I never counted them. I just kept writing them and putting them in the mail. My hope was to send enough cards and photos to catch my dad up on a lifetime he missed with his daughter before it was too late. Was it enough? Only God knows the answer to that question, but I have peace in my heart to know that it was JUST enough. Just enough for peace and love that only God could provide.
After many year apart, I traveled to South Carolina to visit my dad in March of 2022 for his 82nd birthday. Here's the story if you missed it How God Let Me To See My Dad. It was a wonderful visit and he said it was the best birthday he ever had. After I returned home, I began to send him these cards. In April of this year, after his 83rd birthday, I traveled to South Carolina to make another visit. This time with his granddaughter. It was a sweet visit and he was able to see her all grown up at 25 years old. In one of the cards I sent him, I included a photo of her at the age of five in her ballerina attire and tap dance get up. Telling him that while she loved ballet, she would not tap dance at her recital to the tap dance song because she said, "I don't like the music." I had hoped that would give him a chuckle the day it arrived while he spent his days in assisted living soon to be placed on hospice for cancer.
In the last couple of weeks, my dad's health began to decline rapidly and he made his entrance into Heaven last week. I have felt a feeling of doom all of my life knowing that someday I would attend the funeral of a man I did not know. There was SO much more to know of him, about him, his heart, and his soul.
As I entered the funeral home, my aunt Sarah told me where she wanted to me to sit, which was on the first pew, on the very end, two seats down from her with my Hannah in between us. What I didn't know at the time was that she placed me there purposely because after the two soldiers removed the flag from the top of his casket and performed their ceremonial folding of it, one of the soldiers knelt down and presented it to me. I lost all composure the tears just came. I'm grateful for it and will cherish it forever. I also learned from the chaplain that performed the funeral that my dad talked about me and said his 82nd birthday was wonderful because I was able to be there. It became quickly apparent that the chaplain knew a special part of my dad's heart and that in itself was huge. My dad was a very private person, so him opening up about his life was a really big deal.
In addition to the flag, I was gifted my dad's Bible. When I arrived home the next day, I flipped through it to find some keepsakes he had placed in there. To my surprise, I found a prayer he had written to God asking to help him be a better person. A lifetime of anger and bitterness is hard on a person and only God can change a heart. The flag was more than enough, but the letter made it all complete. He knew he needed to be better. We all do in our own way, don't we?
In the same bag containing his Bible were all the cards I had sent to him. 61 cards. Cards that tried to make up for a lifetime.
I cannot ever recall a time when my dad ever told me he was proud of me. But the two things he did tell me I will cherish forever. "I'm sorry." and "I love you."
While in South Carolina, my daughter and I were able to visit a landmark called "Pretty Place." It's a chapel that sits 3000 feet above sea level looking over the mountains. I have never seen anything so beautiful. We sat together in silence looking at God's beautiful creation.
Feeling thankful for His majesty. And most of all --- for His healing.
"I will lift up mine eyes to the hills..." Psalm 121:1
61 cards
