That’s the thing about writing stories from the heart. They are personal and they require you to be vulnerable. Vulnerability can be very scary. But the truth is, you either own your story or you spend an enormous amount of time trying to cover it up.
I’m a rule follower. I love rules, I love guidelines and I love planned schedules. I love them because I personally need that type of structure in my life (just ask my husband or my daughter). However, when something goes awry, I get a little out of sync. I am a typical type A personality and sometimes can even stress myself out when things are not going as planned.
Which leads me to the whole point of my story.
Like others, I have survived my share of childhood hurts. Some of which I have shared, while others are too hurtful to even talk about. None of which were my fault.
Like others, I have survived my share of childhood hurts. Some of which I have shared, while others are too hurtful to even talk about. None of which were my fault.
As a child I was sometimes tasked with being a peace keeper, so I have been a problem solver and sweet word commentator (even when I did not want to be) for as long as I can remember. My entire life, I have longed for my biological father to love me and have unintentionally carried the shame of being unloved in an invisible backpack around with me – let me tell you it gets heavy! So to solve that problem (you feel me?), I have tried to live my life in such a way that I needed to strive for perfectionism. And I needed to strive for perfectionism because I thought that is what I needed to do in order to be loved. After all, if I was good in every.single.way, HOW could he possibly not love me?!
I’m thankful that I have experienced these things in retrospect. I like sweet words and even when I was in the middle of a hurt, using those sweet words shaped me to the person I am today. I’ve also learned a lot about perfectionism. I don’t need to be perfect. God loves me so immensely with ALL of my flaws that I will never be able to truly understand. And I don’t need to chase perfect to be loved. Friend, I don’t know if you are out there chasing your self-worth, but if you are – stop it right now. You are SO worthy and you are SO loved.
