I’ve only dreamt of her twice in the nine years since she left us suddenly one morning and ascended to Heaven. But, there is no doubt that these two dreams are forever engraved on my mind and in my heart.
There are so many days when I would give anything to pick up the phone and dial her number so that she could console me after a bad day and tell me that no matter how bad things seem, she will always love me. There are so many days when I need advice on how to raise a teenage girl and to share how much I am going to miss her when she goes to college. And then there are so many days with glowing excitement when I want to share with her all about her granddaughter’s accomplishments and hear her tell me just how proud she is of her.
But land line phone cords and cell phone towers don’t reach to Heaven, do they?
About a year ago, I had a dream that my mom came to visit us. The doorbell rang and my husband, Barry, answered it. With a loud exclamation, he said, “Oh Pam, your mom is here!” I was surprised and ran as fast as I could from the kitchen to the front entry foyer - - only for her to be gone.
Last Saturday morning I woke up perplexed about a dream from the night before where strangely enough she and I spent an entire day floating on inner tubes in the water in neighborhoods (of all places!). The dream began by us placing our phones on a table and I asked her, “What if you need your phone today?” and she replied, “I won’t need it.” While floating, when we came to a cul-de-sac where the water was too shallow, we would use our arms and legs as oars against the water’s current to guide us to deeper areas where the floating was better.
At the loss of their mother, a young person I know chose a coping mechanism of complete silence and instant hiding under a bed at the mention of the topic by someone else who brought it up in love. I squeezed myself under the bed and joined them, where we were both eye to eye with one cheek on the carpet. I shared with them how I understood their pain and that even when we are hurt and angry God is big enough to handle it.
He’s also a God that is BIG enough to send me these dreams to show me that even though I long for a hotline to Heaven, I truly don’t need one. Mom is with me even though I didn’t see her physical appearance at my front door. And she didn’t need her phone the day we floated on our inner tubes because I don’t need mine to reach her either. Not only does she see the smooth running stream, but she also sees the hard currents that I face and knows all about them.
I’ll get to see her again one day ...
For now, I’ll just keep floating on the river.
